A Word From My Wife

Someone once said that when raising children the days are long but the years are short. Three kids later I have found that to be very true. I think police work is that way, too.  Looking back it’s hard to believe how much time has passed since my tall, skinny self walked down the aisle with hair on my head to receive my diploma from the Academy. Though the years have gone by fast, I can’t count the number of shifts that I thought would never end.

Through it all, my wife has been there with me. And though we are far from perfect and have had our share of frustrations, we have developed a symbiotic relationship between our lives and our schedules.  It didn’t come easy, and I doubt it will for you, either.

If you’re a cop, and you’re married, give your spouse some grace.  If you’re married to a cop, give the both of you some grace, and a double portion for yourself. Being the spouse of a police officer is no easy task. My hat is off to you.

In the following paragraphs you will read a word from my wife.  It’s a little raw and only slightly censored.  Just make sure you read to the end.

A Word From My Wife

I used to not like cops. Yes, you heard that right. My husband was not in law enforcement when I met him. So about a year or so into our marriage, and raising a barely two year old toddler, he decided to pursue his dream job. He told me, I’d like to apply to be a cop. My brain translated that into, I want a divorce. I cried after that news because I borderline hated law enforcement.

I grew up in the inner city and have seen first hand how corrupt the police can be. I’ve had cops in and out of my home growing up for various reasons and from my point of view, I just didn’t care for how they handled things.

My attitude towards my husband applying to the very first department was, Okay, you do you and I’ll do me. I thought to myself, If he wants to pursue this career, that’s fine, because I will not be on board! He applied and went through the very long process of the background check, polygraph, interviews, etc. He made it to the very end of the process and was not hired. They told him the reason is that he had a squeaky clean record and no experience. I was irritated to say the least. I felt that just added to my list of dislikes of law enforcement.

In situations like that, I do what I do best — I prayed — which also translates to I complained to God about how irritated I was. Here’s a few things I spewed out to God:

1. I didn’t ask for this!
2. Why now?
3. Why ever?
4. Any other career choice would be better than this one.

Then came the big 2×4 to my forehead from God. I realized I actually needed to work on myself first. I prayed that God would change my mind and my heart about the situation, and over time, He did.  He got hired and I worked on being more supportive and encouraging. I began seeing his love for his work and why he chose this career path.

Being a police family is not easy. Ever. His schedule is all over the place and he gets called in at all hours. There was a time he worked a double and literally walked through the door to just get called right back out to work to a crime scene. In law enforcement sometimes you and your spouse are like two ships passing in the night. Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries can get lonely and be unpredictable at best. Your extended family can never remember his shift even when he’s worked it for the last five years. On top of that, a majority of your family and friends will challenge you on what they think they know about law enforcement.

You’re probably thinking, Well, that’s a depressing life. But it’s all how you look at it. The way I choose to look at is we’re a family, and like everything else, we’re in this TOGETHER — all of us. I’ve learned and taught myself how to adjust, transition, and work through the chaos of the law enforcement life. The kids and I are beside him and behind him 100%. We’re not in this part way or half way.  For us, it’s all or nothing. We work around his schedule and he does his best to work around ours.

There are very few careers where you get spit on and cursed at for trying to do good, or give a death notification to a family member and then watch them grieve while keeping your composure, or encounter gruesome crime scenes where someone has taken a child’s life that looks like something out of a Stephen King novel. I realize that police work takes people with the unique quality of being able to risk their own lives for someone else, someone who may even despise them.

After 23 years of marriage and over 18 years (and counting) of them being the wife of a LEO, my view on how I see the police world has changed. Sure, there are a few bad apples — there may even be a bushel of rotten ones — but it’s like that with any career, and this career is not for everyone. There are few who can do it, and it seems to me that the families who choose to stick together are even fewer. As for me and my family, we will always always stick together and we will always bleed blue.

__________________________

• How has your job affected your spouse?
• How has your job affected your marriage?
• Are you spending quality time together ?
• What can you do today to show your love for them?

__________________________

Thanks for reading! Do you have a story that you think we could learn from and that you’d like to share with Johnny Tactical nation? Fill out the contact form and include your name, rank, and department, or email it to [email protected] and follow these guidelines:

– It must be a firsthand account
– True
– Have a lesson, principle, or tactic to apply
– Cleaned of names, dates, and places
– Include your call sign

If your story is selected and published in our blog you’ll get the credit using your call sign and we’ll send you a free Johnny Tactical morale patch.