Breaking The Ice: Oversized Egos, Measuring Contests, And Tactical Chuckles

Have you ever screwed up? If so, raise your hand.  If your hand didn’t go up, you have a problem with lying.

Sizing Up The Situation

A number of years ago when I was on the SWAT team, I attended a training class that included my team and another agency’s team. The day began in a classroom with desks formed in the shape of a U.  The two teams sat opposite each other and the instructor stood at the front of the room which was at the top of the U.  Both teams sat in icy silence staring at each other, obviously sizing the other up.  I could almost read their thoughts as I’m sure theirs were much like my own:

And I’m sure they were thinking the same things about us.  

Bueller . . . Bueller?

We sat there in this awkward kind of a silence as class began.  The instructor asked us questions to get some level of participation going, but got a whole lot of nothing and probably felt like Ben Stein’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.  Clearly he had to break the ice created by our oversized egos or nothing productive would ever take place.

He paused, looked around the room, and said, “OK.  Let’s get this over with right now.  Everyone take them out and slap them down on the table so we can measure them and get on with the day!”

Whoa. He was exactly right.  We were having a stand-off in an anatomy measuring contest and it was ridiculous.  Our unchecked self-righteous egos were in the way of what we were there to accomplish: to learn something.

Once he said that out loud, you could feel the tension leave the room.  We realized we were being stupid and that any one of us could have taken the lead and called it out. We all had a tactical chuckle, moved on, and the learning began.

Hard To Admit

How many times have you screwed up?  Plenty.  How many times have I screwed up?  Way more.  So, why is it so hard for us Type-A’s to check our egos at the door and just hurry up and admit that?  (SWAT guys are the worst at this).  My guess is, we see it as a sign of weakness, and a perceived weakness is a vulnerability, and a vulnerability can get us killed.  Therefore, we choose to hide our vulnerability with our massive egos even in safe environments surrounded by our peers and our teammates.

One of the problems with not being able to keep our egos in check is that it creates a barrier that inhibits our learning, our ability to work as a team, and it undermines camaraderie.  In fact, no successful team was ever formed by a group of anatomy measuring contestants.  It’s true. I read it on the internet.

Without the humility to say out loud that we’ve all made mistakes and that we don’t know everything, we’ll never be able to learn and grow.

Get Stuff Done

Over the years, I’ve noticed that egos are often the biggest problem between divisions, at training classes, during joint operations with other agencies, and up and down the rank and file.  We are so quick to forget our own mistakes, to pass judgement on others, and to mask our vulnerabilities.  We need to stop doing that.  The sooner we admit that we are all flawed, that we’ve all screwed up, and that we all have stuff to learn, the sooner we can move on and get some actual stuff done.  In fact, sharing our failures is the best way to teach, to learn, and to build a cohesive team.

So, stop taking yourself so seriously.  You’re not Jason Bourne, Jack Ryan, or Ethan Hunt.  You’re just not.  Sorry.  Be the guy who remembers he’s human. Be the guy who breaks the ice. Lead with humility, even if you’re not in charge.

For an outstanding read on the topic of ego, pick up Ryan Holiday’s book Ego Is The Enemy.

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