Plato and Aristotle had Socrates. The Twelve Disciples had Jesus. Mark Zuckerberg had Steve Jobs. Harry Potter had Dumbledore. And Daniel LaRusso had Mr. Miyagi.
Who do you have?
Getting Old
I must be getting old because I am more and more interested in old-guy things. Over the last couple years I have come to the conclusion that I need a mentor so I have begun seeking one out. I have some virtual mentors through books and podcasts, but I’d love to have one that I could bounce a question or two off of. So far, my book covers have yet to reply.
The Opposite Of Mystical
Many of the greatest leaders in history credit having a mentor as the reason for their success. You might think that the idea of having a mentor sounds a little weird. It might be because the thought of having a funny little man who speaks in riddles giving you seemingly odd and pointless tasks to complete in order to teach you something doesn’t sound very appealing. I mean, I guess it might be cool if we could magically become a karate master after painting a house or develop super powers after scaling a cliff to drink the yoke of an eagle egg, but that’s not what mentorship is and not how it works. It’s a whole lot less mystical than all that.
Mentorship in its simplest terms is just a relationship; a relationship with someone who has been there and done that. And a mentor is someone who has gone before you, made the mistakes, had some successes, and learned a bunch of stuff along the way. Having a mentor is crucial to accelerating your progress because you can learn a whole lot quicker and a lot less painfully from their mistakes instead of having to go through all the trouble of making your own. They have blazed the trail, you just have to walk it.
Mentorship 101
The first step to finding a mentor is to just come to the place where you realize that you need one. If you aren’t able to come to terms with the fact that you don’t know everything, then you just aren’t ready, and a mentor will be of no benefit to you. This is a realization and a mindset only you can have; no one can do it for you. It’s like the saying goes, When the student is ready the teacher will appear.
Next, once you come to a place where you realize you need guidance, identify someone who has been down that particular road, who has overcome obstacles, and who has something to show for it. Develop a relationship with that person if you haven’t already, and spend time with them. Let them know that you will be their best student, that you will value their time, and actually do the work. There are few things more annoying than someone who sucks up your time asking for advice, and then doesn’t do anything with it. Unless you take what you learn from you mentor and apply it, you are wasting their time and your own. Don’t be that guy. Commit to taking their thoughts, ideas, insight, and suggestions and putting them into practice.
Finally, realize that you are not the end of the mentor food chain. There is always someone following behind you that needs to be shown the way — you can be that mentor. You will learn more by teaching than you will by hearing or even doing. And once you start teaching something, it motivates you to be a true practitioner instead of a fraud or a hypocrite. In order for there to be room enough for someone to pour into you, you must pour yourself into others.
So what does all this mentor – mentee stuff actually look like?
Contagious Proximity
You don’t have to live in a hut on a mountain with your mentor where you sit at his feet and he teaches you day in and day out. You just need to spend some time with your mentor, watching and listening to what they do and how they do it. Simply being in proximity to them will allow their influence to speak into your life, even if they never say a word. My dad never sat me down and said, “Son, work hard.” I saw my dad work hard, day in and day out, putting in lots of dedicated hours. I learned my work ethic from my dad just by being around him, and the whole time I never even knew it was happening. That’s what contagious proximity is.
Aggressive Curiosity
If you’ve ever had a small human around you, you know they ask a million questions — or just the same exact question over and over: Why? Being curious is the key to learning, it is seeking out answers and explanations rather than just accepting things as they are. It’s looking deeper into yourself and into the world around you. Much like the annoying toddler, curiosity is seeking out and learning from the experience of others. The moment we stop being curious is the moment we start to shrivel up, dry out, and harden like an old dish sponge. Also, they smell funny.
Perpetual Hunger
In the early 1920’s, George Mallory was part of three British expeditions to summit Mount Everest — a feat that had never been done. When asked why he was so intent on doing such a thing he simply answered, “Because it’s there.” Mallory ultimately died on Everest in pursuit of the summit, but his passion and drive illustrated the intangible force that only comes from within and forged a path for others to follow. Perpetual hunger is what makes success a journey, not a destination. It is punching fear in the face. It is not stopping. It is reaching a goal and celebrating by saying, “Next!”
The Challenge
Having a mentor in your life will help you learn by example, it will keep you curious, and perpetually hungry. A mentor will draw out of you what you could not draw out on your own so that you become a better version of yourself. And when you become better, everyone benefits because you become a better husband or wife, father or mother, friend or neighbor, and a better cop.
Here’s what I’m challenging myself to do:
1. Find a mentor — my very own Mr. Miyagi
2. Be his best student
3. Take what I learn and pass it on to someone else
And all I’m saying is, come along for the ride, what do you have to lose?
__________________________
- Who do you have in your life that has been a mentor?
- Who could you seek out?
- Are you ready for the teacher to appear?
- Is there someone behind you that you can lead?
__________________________
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