How To Eat An Elephant

The best way I can describe myself that day is as ready as I’d ever be.

I’m an Enneagram 1, which means I’m a perfectionist who pays attention to detail and believes the world is a meritocracy that rewards precise, hard work. It also means I care too much what other people think and seek validation through the effort I put into things. In the book The Road Back To You author Ian Cron says that Enneagram 1’s make great police officers. Of course, I didn’t know any of this when I applied for the job or when preparing for the Academy. I was just a skinny 24 year old kid who needed a sandwich and a game plan.

I was hired and sworn in just two weeks before the August Police Academy. Those two weeks in late summer were crammed with PT, DT’s, SOP’s, and OC*, leaving little time to mentally prepare for law enforcement’s version of boot camp. Plus, I had never been in the military so I was completely green, though all the marching, shooting, and tactics were very appealing to me. For me, the problem was that I just had no idea what to expect or how to handle it all. I remember feeling overwhelmed like a SWAT guy at a tiny t-shirt factory. So many tiny shirts, so little time.

Survival of the Perfectionist

One of the officers at the department was a squared away, hard-charging Norwich University grad who had boots so shiny that when you stood in front of him you could look down and count your nose hairs. (At last count I had 53). Naturally, this made it difficult to hold a conversation with him because it was so easy to lose count. Anyway, he, along with other officers, gave me advice on what to pack in my duffle, how to pack it, and how to survive the coming three months of training.

For starters, they said pack only what was on the list provided by the Academy; nothing more, nothing less. Then, fold and pack all my clothes in individual Ziplock bags. The same went for my toiletries, duty gear, and other equipment. This was weird advice, but it had a purpose. They told me that on Day 1 everyone’s bag was going to get dumped and every item would be accounted for, any contraband would be seized, and demerits issued accordingly. If everything was bagged it would be easy to find things and to repack them when the inevitable bag-dump happened.

The second piece of advice was not to take anything personally; to remember that it was all a game. And after a long day of PT, marching, classroom lectures, getting yelled at, and room tossing, when it was lights out to lie on my bed, look at the ceiling, and say to myself, That was crazy! and then laugh about it.

And last, but in hindsight most important of all, was to learn how to eat an elephant — one bite at a time. The Police Academy can be like drinking out of a fire hose; there’s a lot of information, stress, demands, and failure-by-design which any one of them can overwhelm you if you let it. Taking it one thing at a time, one day at a time, made it more manageable. The idea was that if you tried to eat an elephant all at once, it would crush you like a grape.

The perfectionist in me took what they said to heart and did everything by the numbers. I had exactly the right items packed, bagged, and stored alphabetically (just kidding on that part, I’m not a psycho!) so that when my bag got dumped I would pass with flying colors. Plus, just knowing what to expect ahead of time made it a lot less intimidating.

Into the Fray

On Day 1 when all of us recruits stood in formation in the parking lot and we were swarmed by the cadre like someone had just kicked a hornet’s nest, I was ready. I stood at attention and locked my gaze on the brick building in front of me. Bags were getting dumped and stuff was flying everywhere like lettuce from a salad shooter. People all around me were getting yelled at for forgetting things they should have packed and packing things they shouldn’t have. Out of the corner of my eye I could see nervous hands grabbing clothes and gear off the ground and stuffing them back into bags as fast as they could while a campaign hat-wearing cadre bent over them shouting in disapproval. But not me. My bag never got dumped, and man, was I disappointed. Somehow I got lost in the fray.

The first night after a whirlwind of a day we finally got to bed just before midnight. I lay in bed with my hands folded on my chest and stared at the ceiling. I told myself, Wow, that actually was crazy! As I thought about all the things that had happened I just shook my head and laughed.

Each day my roommate and I made sure our uniforms were pressed, that our rooms were spotless, and that everything was in perfect order. But that didn’t seem to matter. We would return in the evening only to find that half of our room was upside-down and the other half had been barfed out into the hallway. It turns out that group discipline was a thing. If one person screwed up, we all suffered. We soon learned that we could do everything right and still find our mattresses in a bathroom stall.

Overwhelm

As the weeks wore on I constantly reminded myself not to take it personally, that it was all a game, and to eat that elephant one bite at a time. Each night, I lay in bed, looked at the ceiling and laughed. I did that every day for three months. For me, the Academy was a good experience and I have a lot of good memories. If it wasn’t for the advice I had received before going I’m not sure how I would have managed.

Overwhelm is a real thing. Looking at a problem or a challenge as a whole can be daunting, stressful, even scary. Whether you have to lose 50 pounds, start a business, raise a child, change careers, weed your garden, or whatever, trying to process everything all at once will crush you like an elephant at a lawn chair convention.

Bite Size

I believe that everything you are facing today can be broken down into smaller, more manageable, bite-sized parts. Yes, it will take a shift in your mindset in order to be able to compartmentalize the whole so you can focus on the part. It will take intentionality and practice, but you can do it. Like the saying goes, A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. In the same way a meal of an entire elephant starts with a single bite.

So, how do you make it through Police Academy? How do you have a successful marriage? How do you raise your children into respectful, competent, men and women of character? How do you make it through a 20+ year career? How do you do just about anything? The same way you eat an elephant: lightly seasoned with salt and pepper and then cooked medium rare.  Just kidding. You eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Now, where did you put your fork?

__________________________

• What kind of elephant is on your plate right now?
• What is the first small bite you can take?
• And what’s the next one?
• Who can you go to for advice that has been where you are?

__________________________

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*Physical Training, Defensive Tactics, Standard Operating Procedures, and Oleoresin Capsicum, aka: Pepper Spray, my nemesis.