There are two things my dad taught me without teaching me. I learned them not by his words, but by his example.
One of the earliest memories of my dad was of him in our dimly lit living room, sitting alone on the couch. This was not the picture of a lazy father with a million better things to do, who instead chose to do nothing but sit around on the couch watching TV with one hand in his pants and a gut spilling out over his belt, an image often conjured as an American stereotype. That was not what I saw.
What I Remember
Every morning before school I would see my dad in the living room, dressed for the day with his legs crossed and a Bible on his knee, sitting in silence studying and praying. He was up before us kids (there were a lot of us), probably because it was the only time when there was any silence to be had. That’s where I’d see him, early in the morning, at the far end of the couch. The glow of a single lamp that stood on the end table by his elbow lit the pages on his lap, leaving the rest of the room in shadow. I can’t remember a single morning when I didn’t see him there.
Another early memory of my dad was all about the outdoors — summers at my grandfather’s cottage on the lake, fishing, camping, and hiking. My dad wasn’t a modern day Davy Crockett or Bear Grylls Version 1.0, he was just a regular guy who really seemed to enjoy being out there. I watched him catch and clean fish and then fry them in a pan. He let me tag along on a backpacking trip with my older brother where he ended up carrying my pack for miles. We went on weekend walks with the entire family to a place we just called “the nature trail.” Yes, it was something we did, but it became who we were.
My dad never told me to love the outdoors or to find quiet time in the morning, he simply showed me. His example taught me about the importance of a place called the eremos.
A Place To Find
Eremos (pronounced era·moss) is a Greek word that carries a variety of meanings, to include a deserted place, a solitary place, a quiet place, or the wilderness. When we read in the Gospels about Jesus going off into the wilderness or to a solitary place, that’s the word in the original language — eremos. Jesus had a habit of going into the eremos, it wasn’t a one-off thing. It was a routine, a rhythm of His life.
The eremos wasn’t a place of privation or suffering or weakness, as you might think. It was quite the opposite. It was a place of renewal, of rest, and a place to find strength. It’s what we all need to find and, once we do, to go to it on a regular basis.
Get Away
During His public ministry, Jesus was a busy guy. He was often swarmed by crowds, exhausted by long journeys on foot, and inundated with countless requests. He knew the importance of rest and of time alone with God. He knew the importance of the eremos. Here are three quick examples:
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, [Jesus] got up, went out, and made His way to a deserted place (eremos). And He was praying there. (Mark 1:35 HCSB)
He said to [the apostles], “Come away by yourselves to a remote place (eremos) and rest a while.” For many people were coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. (Mark 6:31 HCSB)
But the news about [Jesus] spread even more, and large crowds would come together to hear Him and to be healed of their sicknesses. Yet He often withdrew to deserted places (eremos) and prayed. (Luke 5:15-16 HCSB)
Catching On
Unbeknownst to me, my dad had been teaching me about the eremos, about developing the habit of getting away to a quiet place. Whether it was in the living room before the day started or a walk in the woods, it was the place to get away. The silence and the solitude was what made the rest of the day possible.
It’s because of my dad that I love the outdoors and my quiet time. I am grateful for his example but I’m sorry to say that it took almost four decades for me to catch on and develop the habit of a morning routine. The time I spend reading, journaling, and praying has had the greatest impact on my personal growth. My only regret is that I hadn’t started sooner.
Keep Going Back
If you’re a dad it’s important to understand that more is caught than taught, that your example means exponentially more than your words. Whether you like it or not, for good or ill, your kids are watching you.
Maybe you didn’t have a good dad or a positive role model, so you have some learning to do and some ground to make up. That’s okay. You can be the example you never had, you can change your family tree and be the last in your lineage to lack the leadership of a good father.
Wherever you find yourself, I think the best place to start is to get away, to go out into the eremos, and find a quiet place to read, to contemplate, and to pray. Then after you find it, just keep going back.
__________________________
- What kind of example was your father?
- If you grew up without a dad, who was your father figure?
- How has their example influenced you?
- Where do you go or what do you turn to for rest and renewal?
- What kind of example are you setting?
- Where can you go to get away?
__________________________
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