We have a hard enough time with public relations and being approachable as it is, let’s not make it any worse by being a stupid parent.
Bad Information
I was on duty in Patrol when I arrived at Walmart for a call. I don’t remember what the call was, and it doesn’t matter. Somewhere between my cruiser and the call was a little boy, maybe five or six years old. He stopped to look at me — or probably more accurately, at my uniform — but his mother’s attention was elsewhere. He stopped her momentum with his little hand that held her fast like a human anchor. She looked around to see what her son was doing, then followed his gaze over to me.
Almost instinctively she saw the opportunity, pulled him closer with one hand, and pointed at me with the other as she bent over at the waist. She put her mouth near his ear and shifted her eyes from me back to him as she said, “See? That’s a policeman. He’ll arrest you and take you to jail if you don’t behave!” The expression on his innocent face changed as he processed this new information, and it wasn’t good.
What. The. Heck.
Invoking Santa
That wasn’t the first time I had heard those words uttered by an adult to a small child, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. That has to be — and I say this with the utmost respect — one of the dumbest things anyone can say to a kid, not to mention an outright lie.
It seems to me there are likely two reasons for it. One, they are a parent who is simply bad at their job and will grasp at any bit of leverage they can conceive of in order to control their offspring — akin to invoking Santa Claus in December for every one of their misdeeds. Or two, in a moment of social awkwardness around law enforcement it’s a poorly executed attempt at humor. It has to be one of those two stupid reasons, doesn’t it? Surely it can’t be an overt attempt to teach children to be afraid of the police?
Of any public servant, police officers have always been a friend to children. In uniform we are easily the most recognizable, trusted person for a child to go to in times of trouble, distress, or danger. Police officers are iconic. And no matter how much bad press we get, or how criticized and vilified we are by the media, you’d be hard pressed to find a legitimate reason to cause someone to actually believe children should be afraid of us.
Enough Is Enough
Like I said, it wasn’t the first time I had heard a parent, grandparent, guardian or whatever say those words and use that tactic in my presence. To my shame, in the past I had played along, laughed it off, and didn’t do anything about it as I went about my business. But not that day. That day I had had enough. The call for service could wait.
Upon hearing that mother utter those words I experienced an instant rise in blood pressure, one that must have manifested on my face.
Side Note
My wife tells me that I have a resting angry face, that I often look like I want to kill people. “This is just the face God gave me,” I reply. In fact, most times I am just minding my own business, completely unaware of my expression, while I daydream of riding a tactical unicorn over a rainbow while wearing sweet tactical gear. But on the flip side, when I actually am angry, the look on my face is a whole lot worse.
Back To The Story
The woman froze as I stopped and shot daggers out of my eyes at her. Then, as calmly as I could — because there were children around — I told her in no uncertain terms that no, we don’t arrest children. Ever. I forced a smile and looked down at the little guy hoping the whole experience hadn’t just gotten more traumatizing for him. Then I repeated myself, this time to him, and added through my best smile, “Now be a good boy and obey your mom.” I left her with a passing glare to make sure she knew I was serious, and seriously annoyed.
Foolish Games
In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best way I could have handled things, but a switch inside me had flipped for good. From that moment on I quickly and emphatically address anyone who tells a kid I’m going to arrest them. I try to keep it professional but make them squirm at the same time.
Kids need to know that we are there to help them, that they can trust us, that they don’t need to be afraid. It’s a foundation that must be laid, maybe now more than ever.
And stupid adults need to know that, well, that they’re stupid, and we’re not going to play along with their foolish games. That truly is one of my pet peeves.
__________________________
- Has this kind of thing happened to you?
- How did you respond?
- What can you do to leave a good impression with kids?
- How can you be more approachable?
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