Nothing says stupid quite like a face tattoo. This one in particular was a foreshadowing of decisions yet to come.
It’s funny what a little C2H5OH in someone’s system will do. That’s ethyl alcohol, people (don’t worry, I googled it), or more scientifically speaking: booze. After a few wobbly-pops, some people become easy going and goofy, while others become angry, obnoxious individuals. Regardless of category, neither are known for their solid decision making ability. And that’s exactly what I was about to encounter; an angry, obnoxious drunk with a laundry list of bad judgement calls.
The Crash
Around 2 a.m. I responded to a minor crash on the bridge. There was only one car involved so it didn’t take a brain surgeon moonlighting as a traffic accident reconstructionist to figure out whose fault it was and why. The driver had obviously been drinking — he just had a tad bit of trouble admitting it.
In no time at all I had zero rapport with this guy. He was an angry drunk, patronizing and insulting as he sat behind the wheel of his car refusing to get out.
The Conspiracy
Apparently, upon waking that day I had determined in my heart to find this man (who was previously unknown to me) minding his own business driving on the bridge, and then target him for harassment. That was my goal for the day. At least, that’s how he saw things, and he let me know it.
After my most valiant efforts at verbal judo had failed to get him out the car, I made the decision for him, and helped him out. He continued with his verbal tirade face down on the street and then all the way to the station where I had the privilege of booking him. During the booking process we logged and photoed his tattoos.
The Tattoo
The first, and most obvious one, bore some questioning. On his face, below his left eye, was the word ugly in all caps. Now, I’ve seen a lot of stupid tattoos in my day, but this one was definitely one for the books.
Despite this man’s charming demeanor, I had to ask the obvious question, “Why do you have ‘ugly’ tattooed on your face?!” Without hesitation, he gave his answer. He delivered it with enthusiasm, condescension, and just a hint of annoyance that I didn’t know the answer. I mean, I knew where and how to find him so I could harass him, but how come I didn’t know why he had the word ugly tattooed on his face? Simply unbelievable.
The Meaning
Anyway, he gave his answer as he emphatically pointed to it, “U Got to Love Yourself, fool!”
Oh, I get it. U-G-L-Y.
Wow. I did not see that one coming.
Call me crazy, but I think that maybe the first step to loving yourself is to not tattoo the word ugly on your face. Also, (I may be splitting hairs here) but shouldn’t the tattoo be YGTLY?
Just saying.
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