Seven Simple Things You Can Do To Get Divorced

Recent studies continue to show that approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce or separation. This means that half of you married couples will be stuck with each other for the rest of your lives. Scary, I know.

On top of the already challenging institution of marriage, working in law enforcement adds its own list of difficulties that include long hours, shift work, trauma, stress, and compassion fatigue. These are difficult enough on their own, but add them to a marriage with another imperfect human that has their own set of problems and you’ve got yourself a recipe for failure soup.

The Big D

The good news is that ending a marriage is a lot simpler than you think. You don’t need a sordid, public affair, a massive addiction, or a colossal failure to usher in the Big D. Sure, that will work, but it gets messy. Instead, just try these seven simple things to submarine your marriage:

1. Don’t Keep Your Word

When you got married you most likely exchanged vows and said things like “I will” and “I do” in response to some questions about whether or not you would have that person for the rest of your life. You gave your word, you made a promise, in front of God and all those witnesses. And that promise was given and received based on a little something called trust.

In order to effect a divorce, you must erode the trust. How do you do that? You stop keeping your word. It’s that easy. Start small and work your way up. For example, here are some sample scenarios: Did you take out the trash? Nope. You said you would, but you didn’t. Did you remember to pay the mortgage? You would have, except you bought a bass boat. Did you come home right after work? Sure did, right after going out for drinks and acting single with some hotties.

It’s easiest to stop keeping your word with the small things and then slowly progress into bigger, more consequential things. It gives you the practice you need to get to the point where you are completely unreliable and your spouse can’t believe a single word that you say. Once you reach the threshold of total unreliability, congratulations, divorce is right around the corner.

2. Always Keep Secrets

Secrets are another great way to undermine trust in the relationship. Secrets are less of what you say and more of what you don’t say. They are the acts of omission, which is a great technique, because when cornered, you can blame it on someone or something else.

Since secrets are not a part of any healthy relationship, they are a must have for the impending divorce. Who you spend time with, message on social media, where you go, and what websites you frequent are all great things to keep from your spouse. Admitting your faults and shortcomings, struggles or vices, will hurt in the short term but will only strengthen your marriage in the long term. Keeping them secret is the best way to ensure a failed marriage.

3. Don’t Spend Time Together

In order for a marriage to grow and thrive, it needs time and attention. And that doesn’t happen by accident. It takes intentionality. Because police officers have such crazy, unpredictable, and demanding schedules, it makes not spending time with your spouse that much easier. Date night? Sorry, can’t. You’d love to, really, but you have to work.

Sure, you can bang out sick to attend a buddy’s bachelor party, but not for date night — that would be dishonest. Rounds of golf, charity events, the gym, or drinks with the boys are all great reasons to plan ahead and manipulate your schedule with swaps or vacation days. Just don’t allow your marriage to creep in and disrupt the system. If you do, the likelihood of staying married will only increase.

4. Be A Terrible Listener, i.e. Don’t Listen

What did you say? Exactly. Mastering the perfectly timed delivery of “Yup,” “Uh-huh,” and “Mm-hmm,” while not paying the least bit of attention is a surefire marriage killer, especially when in response to conversations about feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles. You definitely don’t want to listen to those. Using televised sporting events, video games, and cell phones to distract yourself during these attempts at conversation are easy ways to keep your mind and attention elsewhere.

If you accidentally find yourself spending time with your spouse on a date and get cornered, say, at a restaurant, be sure the bar and the usual seven televisions are within line of sight. If that fails, you could always casually go for the cell phone. You know, just “check on one thing” and then go down the email or social media rabbit hole which is sure to stop any inadvertent progress.

5. Never Apologize Or Compromise

“I’m sorry, I was wrong,” should not be in your vocabulary. Admitting wrong-doing is like asking a judge to throw the book at you. Stand your ground, deny everything, and feign innocence even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

Compromise is is just another word for quitting and is a sure sign of weakness. When you’re on the job and at a call, what you say goes. Compromising to the demands of others is not how you get things done. Why should your marriage be any different? Win at all costs, especially the cost of your marriage.

6. Keep Your Finances Separate

Money fights and money problems are the number one cause of divorce in North America today. That’s right, number one. So, what’s the best way to ensure money problems? Keep your finances separate. Because money touches every aspect of our lives, from our basic needs to our hopes and dreams, you’re going to want to keep those separate from you spouse. By combining your finances you would be combining your lives, and that, obviously, is not the goal.

The other benefit of keeping your finances separate is that it also helps erode trust. It makes hiding questionable expenditures easy, reduces accountability, and turns your relationship into a joint venture rather than into two individuals united as one. And when incorporated into not keeping your word (No. 1) and keeping secrets (No. 3) will compound the destruction of trust. These three are the anti-trust trifecta.

7. Don’t Ask For Help

If you’ve worked long and hard at ending your marriage, now is not the time to get help. Because good marriage counseling, family therapy, or mental health counseling will only improve your life and your marriage, you certainly don’t want to go down that road. Don’t allow your spouse, your family, or friends to use logic to persuade you to save your marriage.

Everyone knows that no one can do it all on their own and that no one has all the answers. No one, that is, except for you. Asking for help will only feed the narrative that you don’t have all the answers and that you aren’t perfect. You may not be able to walk on water, but you sure as heck can walk on other people.

Be The Opposite

As you can see, doing these seven simple things is all you need to get divorced. Just be the kind of person who doesn’t keep their word, doesn’t spend time with their spouse, keeps secrets, is a terrible listener, never apologizes or compromises, keeps their finances separate, and doesn’t ask for help.

Or, on the other hand, if you want a successful marriage, be the opposite.

__________________________

– How is your marriage?
– Did it get there by design or by default?
– How are you spending your time, your money, and your attention?
– Are you the kind of person who keeps their word?
__________________________

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