I couldn’t help but notice his raised voice followed by the guy’s head tipping back emptying one more glass. The defeated woman sitting opposite him had her back to me. He was drunk and I could tell by her posture that she was not enjoying her evening. The scene unfolding in front of me got me pissed off for several reasons, but the main thing was that no woman deserved to be talked to like that. Call me old fashioned, but that was no way to treat a lady.
Early on in my career my wife and I were out on a date at a restaurant just a step or two up from fast food. We had gotten someone to watch the kids and we had the rare opportunity to go out on a date. And this is what we got to sit next to. “How do these people always find me!?” I shrieked inside myself. I’m not sure if that was the first time I asked myself that question, but it would certainly not be the last.
Johnny Not-That-Tactical
My inner gripe session was interrupted as that couple across from us started a tug-of-war over the car keys. The drunk guy was determined to drive. I could feel my heartbeat in my eardrums as I debated in my head what I should do. I can’t let this guy drive, can I? After all, he was a jerk to his wife and he was ruining my date with mine. So against better judgement that I would eventually develop, I followed them out to the parking lot to play Johnny Not-That-Tactical and intervene in the drunken domestic. Wicked smart.
Young and Dumb
And, like a young and dumb cop, I was like, “Hey, you! You shouldn’t be driving!” wagging my finger at him like he was a naughty puppy that had just chewed my favorite slippers. Then, to show him I was really serious about him not driving drunk, I whipped out my badge and held it out like Jim Carrey pulling out his limo driver ID in Dumb and Dumber. You can imagine the effect it had…which was somewhere in the ballpark of, say, zero.
Oh, I had my shiny badge in my wallet all right, but that was all I had. I wasn’t carrying a gun. And a badge with no gun made me an undercover mall cop. It made me an idiot. I exposed myself and potentially my wife to a person and a situation that was completely unknown to me; unknown mental state, unknown weapons, unknown history. And for what?
Echoes and Chemicals
The local PD was called and got it all sorted out. (I’m sure the veteran officers were happy to respond to this nonsense at dinner time). Even though there was one less drunk driver on the road, I won’t forget the unsatisfied, empty, almost haunting feeling that echoed inside of me.
I was convinced that there must be some kind of chemical that is released in our brains when we face certain types of situations that cause us to imagine only the best possible outcomes (BPOs). We get mesmerized by a vision in our mind ending with us standing atop a tiered podium bending at the waist as some rotund city official in a suit slips a medal over our head and presents us with the key to the city while a raucous crowd applauds. There must be chemicals! Why else would I have been so blind to all the potential risks when I did what I did?
Or Something Else
It wasn’t chemicals. It was inexperience, unpreparedness, and poor decision making.
The reason I had an empty feeling afterward was that I had made a bad decision. That decision had put me in a bad situation without the proper tools. After playing the scenario back in my mind and some self-reflection, I came to a couple of realizations:
- I should carry a gun off-duty. I can do that even if I’m not super Johnny Tactical. It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. I think Gandhi said that.
- I will never identify myself as a police officer unless I have a gun on me. Period.
- More often than not, it is better to be a good witness than to be an active participant.
- If I’m about to do something, I need to stop and ask, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing. Dwight Schrute said that.
Be Smart
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we need to act, when we ought to act, but anecdotally speaking, those times are few and far between. When we are off duty, we don’t have a radio, backup, our war belt, less lethal options, handcuffs, a vest, etc. (at least those of us who are normal don’t). When our resources are limited, our options are limited. Let’s use our heads and be smart both on duty and off.
______________________
- Do you carry a gun off duty? Why or why not?
- Have you identified yourself as a police officer when not carrying a gun?
- What happened?
- How could the outcome have been different?
- What did you learn?
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