The Sandy Underwear Paradox

Receiving honest criticism is like putting on sandy underwear: sure, it covers the essentials, but it can be very uncomfortable.

Before entering my long and illustrious career in law enforcement (note a hint of sarcasm here), I was an art major. I know what you may be thinking. However, I was not a weed-smoking, long-haired, flannel-wearing, flag-burning hippie. I was a sophisticated, cutting edge art student. I know this because I was majoring in commercial design, which used computers, which are sophisticated. The traditional art courses I took were my prerequisites, and none of them required flannel.

The Art of Criticism

I learned the basic tenets of art: balance, proportion, composition, contrast, texture, and the like. As we learned to apply each principle, we were assigned projects designed to challenge our creativity as we put each principle into practice. With the completion of every project came the critique — the part that involved putting on sandy underwear. (If you’ve been following along, this is not literally what we did).

Every week all of us would bring our work and post it at the front of the class, creating a wall full of crappy artwork. Then, we would all stand around while the professor would lead us through a critique of each piece. It was uncomfortable and we students had a hard time being honest about what we saw. Some of the “art” we created was absolute garbage. However, over time, we learned how to critique each piece as objectively as we could and how to receive feedback without, in turn, punching someone in the face. Week after week, project after project, we showed improvement. We developed an eye and a stomach for it.

The Paradox

Without a professor or some other objective person leading the conversation, soliciting honest feedback can be a real challenge. This could be for several reasons. One, we don’t know how to ask for criticism, or we feel stupid asking. Two, people don’t know how to critique. And three, we don’t know how to receive it. For those reasons, we don’t ask for it, don’t get it, and therefore don’t improve.  Therein lies the paradox.

Recently, one of the best methods I’ve heard for soliciting feedback from someone is by asking them to use a scale of 1-10 without using a 5. Once you get that number follow up by asking what you could do to get closer to a 10. This method of eliciting feedback diffuses the awkwardness for everyone and divorces the one being critiqued from any shortcomings. It also frees the one doing the critiquing from feeling like they are being asked to deliver a personal attack and gives them the opportunity to explain what a better version of the thing being critiqued would look like.

Using the numbered scale as the subject of the discussion focuses not on the person, but on what can be done to improve. This method disassociates the problem from the person which ultimately is what will lead to a better solution anyway. It then opens the door for the feedback to be directly related to improvement (getting closer to a 10) as opposed to having a negative connotation for the individual. Using this method also avoids receiving generally useless and possibly dishonest answers like, “Good.”

How Not To

If I was working on a speech, presented it to you, and then asked you what you thought, you might typically respond by saying, “It was good,” while in your mind you had some very different thoughts. Now, that might be the most comfortable response but it didn’t provide any actionable feedback or create an opportunity to make it better. In other words, it didn’t help at all and everyone’s time was wasted.

Conversely, if I gave a speech, asked you what you thought, and you replied, “You’re stupid,” that also is no help because you did not address the speech, you addressed your opinion of me personally. The speech was the thing to be critiqued, not your opinion of me as a person.

How To

Going back to the artwork example, using the scale method might sound something like this:

“So, on a scale of 1-10, without using a 5, what do you think of this mud I threw against the wall that I now call art which has been dramatically titled The Existential Dread of Eternal Solitude?”

“Well, I give it a four.”

“A four, wow. Okay. What could I do to get it closer to a ten?”

“First, stop throwing mud against the wall and then calling it art. Second, maybe use actual paint formed into shapes and colors in such a way that it makes, like, a picture.”

“Cool.”

Of course, we would be nicer than this, but you get the point. Without reasonably objective criticism (which can feel a lot like failure) we cannot possibly improve and will continue to wander through life in our own safe little bubble. It is also an iterative process as we continually tweak and fine-tune ourselves and our work.

Side Note

It matters who we seek feedback from, it can’t be just any old Tom, Dick, or Harry. It should be someone that we know, like, and trust and that has the fortitude and tact to deliver it. If that person’s name happens to be Tom, Dick, or Harry, so be it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Criticism can hurt, especially when it comes to something we are passionate about or that is personal to us. This is actually really difficult for me. But we must consider the source: does this person have our best interest in mind? Do they have the knowledge and experience to have an opinion that matters? Was the feedback constructive? If the answer to these questions is yes, then let’s get about the business of making changes and improving. If the answer to these questions is no, then that person is a troll and should be ignored. All criticism is not created equal.

So, who’s ready to put on some sandy underwear?

__________________________

• What are you working on right now?
• Have you sought out criticism?
• Do you know who you could ask?
• What is stopping you?

__________________________

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